Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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