so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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