so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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