I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
