Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
