Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
