just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
