; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
