we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
