Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
