Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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