No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
