I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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