I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
