so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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