Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
