So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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