Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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