Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize