is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
