ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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