ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
