he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize