i need an iv and a liver transplant
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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