this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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