My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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