God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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