Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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