Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
