remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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