kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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