So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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