Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
