Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
