2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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