We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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