I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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