i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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