My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
