and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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