im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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