Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize