I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
