well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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