Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
