he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
