I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
