Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I want is dick and wine.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
