I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.