I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.