i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....