haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂