I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.