Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize