The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".