jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
