Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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