So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
