check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
