apparently the secret to your success is patron
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
