he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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