u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
