Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the high leading the old right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
