You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
