so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
